Holding them close.

This morning, Yahoo! told me that there was an armed gunman in Connecticut near a school and that schools were on lock down in the area. More people with guns. The other afternoon, a man tore through a mall in Oregon shooting people.

Walking through Target, taking advantage of an hour alone, I was doing the Target stroll... if you have kids and you've gone to Target by yourself... You KNOW what I mean. I got a text from my mother in law that said : "Terrible kindergarten shooting today. They say 18 children dead. So Sad, don't know why I am telling, I guess I need to say something to someone". My brain started swirling. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea.

I pulled up the article on CNN on my iPhone and there in Target, I just started to cry. A school, with little kids. I HAVE little kids. Their faces are the ones I pictured. The pain I felt could only be a fraction of that felt by the parents that will not be able to hold their children tonight.

I haven't been able to stop feeling about this tragedy all day. As hard as I try to find a note of positivity I just can't. It's not anger, it's just disbelief. I knew that we would have to share this with JT and while it breaks me up to expose him to a world where this has happened, I know that I would rather be the person telling him and answering his questions than his peers on the playground. I want him to have the opportunity to grieve this tragedy and to pray for those victims and their families.

While we rarely watch TV, let alone broadcast news, we listen to talk radio very often. The situation was being discussed on the air and they mentioned a few details before it clicked to turn it off. He asked, WHY? I told him that we'd talk about it when we weren't around Hea. My son said, "you're right, she shouldn't have to hear that"...

Tonight, I find small ounces of peace in my knowledge of God's eternal plan of happiness. I believe the spirits of those children are in heaven. I know that I will cry when I tuck my babies into their bed and I will hold them tightly for the Mothers that won't be able to do that tonight. My heart will continue to ache for them. Hold your kids tight tonight. Say I LOVE YOU, often.

Pray. For peace. For those families.

Updated today, 12/15/12
That sad realization that it really did happen...
Tonight we will pray especially hard for the parents of Charlotte, Olivia, Ana, Dylan, Madeleine, Catherine, Jesse, James, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Benjamin, Allison (all age 6), Daniel, Josephine, Chase, Grace (all age 7) and the families of Rachel, Dawn, Anne Marie, Lauren and Victoria.
♥